Doctor Who: Series Four End

Holy Tardis of Gallfrey.  The last two episodes of the series were written by sadistic maniacs.  Seriously, I haven't cried over a T.V. show that much in... possibly ever, actually.  And LOST could be brutal, but it was nothing in comparison to the abject misery I experienced watching the last two episodes of series four.

Ten's unwillingness to regenerate literally ripped my heart right out of my chest.  And they just kept making it worse.  We didn't get much fanfare when Nine regenerated into Ten.  I mean, he told Rose he wouldn't see her again ("Not with this dusty old face,") and told her she'd been brilliant.  Then, he regenerated.  No hysterics, no emotions, just poof!  New doctor!  David Tennant made some crack about new teeth and that was that.

But this.  Oh my god, this was something altogether different and horrible.  Not only had the Doctor just had to give up Rose to his clone and wipe Donna's memory because her brain was going to fry otherwise, he also knew that he was going to die, courtesy of the Ood, and didn't want to.  Almost every single conversation he had with Wilfred throughout the episodes were devastating.  His conversation about needing a companion and his explaining to Wilfred what happens when he regenerates - that everything he is dies and some other man strolls away with his memories.  And Wilfred offering him the gun and saying, "You're the most wonderful man and I don't want you to die," caused me to completely lose my shit, for a second.

Then the hope he felt after the Master and the crazy Timelords were gone, and he was still alive, only to find out that he had to kill himself to save Wilfred.  His rant about it not being fair - AND OH MY GOD IT FUCKING ISN'T.  Then for him to go on his little journey to see everyone that he loved and cared for before he regenerated (Rose included, which just started up the waterworks again).  It was almost too much.  And then, when he started to regenerate and he said, "I don't want to go," I fucking was too much,

I found myself really angry with the writers of the show, because it was all too much.  Leaving your audience sad and potentially crying is one thing - completely destroying a character that they love after three seasons of completely shitting on him because he's a Timelord and apparently can't have anything good for more than a few minutes is just completely fucked.  I can't understand it.  I adored Ten.  David Tennant was beyond amazing as the Doctor, and his last performance quite literally had me in tears for a good, solid ten minutes.  I was not handling my shit well at all.

Now, we've started series five, with Matt Smith, and I am just struggling with it.  I can't seem to connect with Eleven (although, we've only watched three or so episodes) and I can't seem to find a reason to care about him.  I thought the transition would be good because I could stop associating the Doctor with all the shit Ten had to go through, but I find myself missing Tennant's brand of Doctor and not all that impressed with Smith's.  Smith seems like a watered down version of Ten as far as Doctor quirks go.  I don't care for the whole "Geronimo" thing (who the fuck came up with that idea?) and his quick temper doesn't work as well as it did for Nine.  Not that Nine had a short fuse, but when he got angry, it was intimidating.  Eleven seems to want to be intimidating, but... eh.  River is coming back in the next episode (maybe that's the third one, so we've watched two?) and I'm excited to see her.  I find myself missing, not just Ten, but also Rose, Martha, Donna, Jack - all of them.

It wouldn't be as irritating if I had immediately taken to Eleven like I did with Ten.  I was convinced that Nine would be my favorite Doctor and that Ten would take some getting used to, but no.  I immediately fell in love with Ten.  Now, granted, we had a lot more episodes with Ten than we did with Nine, but still.  I'm not digging the adjustment.

I do like Amy, though.  I like how capable she is and how easily she's taken to life with the Doctor.  I also liked how it was Amy that saved the day in the space whale episode, instead of the Doctor.  But, so far, Eleven - you are no Ten, sir.

And I'm getting way too worked up over Doctor Who.  I need to breathe.  Although, I did get two fun Tardis t-shirts today.  So, yay me and fandom obsession!

Doctor Who: 1x03

1x03 - The Unquiet Dead

This episode was actually one of my favorites.  For some reason, it really seemed like they took the production value up a notch or two, but I couldn't figure out if that was because they did, or if it was because it's a lot easier to reproduce the year 1869 than the year 5.5/apple/26.  Either way, I appreciated the difference.

So, we start out in the 19th century with Funeral Home Guy and Gwyneth, who reminds me powerfully of Dina Waters' character in The Haunted Mansion.   Funeral Home Guy is flipping out a little because some old lady who bears a startling resemblance to Bill Nighy has awakened from her eternal sleep and is screaming blue smoke at everyone.

 R.I.P. - Granny Nighy

 

She runs out into the street, banshee wailing, while ghostly vapor comes out of her mouth and flies around.  Then we swap to Rose and the Doctor, bouncing about in the TARDIS and trying to decide on a destination.  Eventually, the Doctor chooses 1860 because reasons and takes them there.  He tells Rose she has to go change her clothes because she'll probably be burned at the steak for witchcraft if she goes out looking like that, so she runs off to the wardrobe that is apparently hidden in the much-larger-than-previously-assumed spaceship.

We're back to Gwyneth and Funeral Home Guy.  Gwyneth is apparently a psychic and Funeral Home Guy, who up until now has been relatively chill, suggests that Gwyneth use her mind powers to find old dead Granny Nighy, which she refuses (because black magic, duh) and he then comes back with, "Do it or I'll fucking fire you," which seemed to be a bit harsh, frankly.

I will stop this cart and slap you with that bonnet. Don't think I won't.

So, Gwyneth, spineless creature that she is, agrees, and takes on a far off look for a moment.  She then informs us that Mrs. Nighy is going to see the very important man.  That she had been looking forward to it before she died, and, goddamnit, she was going.

Then we skip over to Simon Callow, who is a pimp, I don't care what he's doing.  He's Charles Dickens, author of Oliver Twist, and apparently renowned for his captivating oration, which we see a little later on once he's bitched and griped for a few minutes about being old and knowing everything and why is life so shitty, etc.

Back on the TARDIS, Rose comes back, decked out in 19th century garb and wonders why the Doctor hasn't change, to which he replies that he's changed his jumper.  But, he basically looks the same.  At this point, I wondered aloud why it was that he got to wear whatever while Rose probably had on a corset.  My husband seemed to think that people saw whatever they wanted to see when they looked at the Doctor, but this was never clarified.

Then, they go out into the city (which is supposed to be Naples, but...) and oops!  It's Cardiff.  And it's 1869, not 1860.  But, Rose could give less than two fucks about that because SHE IS IN THE PAST.  Which would be my precise attitude, so thank you, Rose, for finally being impressed with the TARDIS.

Then we return to Charles Dickens, who is performing a riveting recitation of "A Christmas Carol" to an audience of people who clearly have nothing better to do with their time, including Granny Nighy, who is being generally dead and creepy.

 "And all they found was a hook dangling from the passenger's

side door, and no one ever heard from Bob Cratchett again."

And then he notices Granny Nighy, and that's she's glowing and then she's spitting out ghosts which swarm around the room and freak everyone out, so they all start running, to Charles Dickens' exclanmations that they stay in their seats.  Because that's totally what I'd do in that situation.

Out on the streets, the Doctor hears screaming and runs in to try and save the day... or maybe just observe the cacophony, I'm not really sure.  Funeral Home Guy and Gwyneth show up at this point and snatch up a now limp Granny Nighy and carry her out, Rose hot on their heels.  Rose starts asking probing questions and gets a nice face full of ether handkerchief because it's the 19th century.

The Doctor commandeers Charles Dicken's carriage, which Charles Dickens gets into also, and commands his driver to follow that hearse!  They end up at the funeral home, where Gwyneth and Funeral Home Guy have considerately laid Rose out on a table for dead people in a room with the guy Granny Nighy killed in the beginning of the episode (which was her son... or something) who promptly comes to life and starts spitting blue ghost smoke as Charles Dickens and the Doctor are arguing with Gwyneth about coming into the house.

The Doctor lets her out and now Granny Nighy and Granny Nighy, Jr. come waltzing over to the doorway, spit some screamy smoke and disappear.  This is when the Doctor notices something weird going on with the gaslights.  Then, the Doctor sort of takes over everything and gets really pushy and insists that Gwyneth lead a seance, which she agrees to do, and that's when we meet the Gelth, who are actual assholes.

But, we don't know that yet, and Gwyneth is kind of stupid, so she decides that the Gelth are her angels and somehow her responsibility after they claim that their physical forms were destroyed during the Time War and that their race is dying off.  The next logical step is to let them use the recently deceased as vessels to move around in.  So, like the giant roach guy in Men in Black.

Nothing bad could possibly come of this.

 At this point, the Doctor gets sort of bossy and starts throwing his Timelord weight around, telling Gwyneth that she has to open a bridge for the Gelth to let them "pass through," the rift, which is apparently in the house.  Rose gets pissed and says she she won't let Gwyneth do it, because since they had an awkward five minute conversation in the pantry, they're besties, now.

Gwyneth eventually speaks up and agrees to do it, so everyone goes down to the morgue.  Of course.  She stands in a random doorway and starts letting forth WAY more Gelths than the Gelths agreed to bring, and the Doctor is like, "THESE PEOPLE DID NOT RSVP WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?" and then everyone realizes that the Doctor made a really stupid decision and they're all going to die, because the Gelth don't want just dead bodies, they want all bodies.

I immediately regret this decision.

Charles Dickens goes running out of the place, because he's a pansy, but once he gets outside, he realizes that the whole gas thing they'd been talking about earlier that didn't seem to make much sense made WAY MORE sense than everyone though.  So, he goes back inside and, at the risk of choking everyone to death on gas fumes, turns up all the lanterns all over the house. 

He runs back downstairs, where Rose and the Doctor are sort of almost but not really having a brief romantic moment and tells them they have to turn on all the gas.  The Doctor realizes the sense behind this (which I didn't) - apparently the gas will draw out the Gelths, because they're mostly gas... or all gas... something.

Anyway, this works and the Gelths start swirling around the ceiling in confusion while the Doctor consults with Gweneth about sending them all back.  Which, as it happens, she cannot do.  But, she can hold them there to give everyone time enough to get outside before they blow the shit out of the building.  She keeps a book of matches, the Doctor says sorry for basically insisting that she do this and getting her killed.  Oops.

He runs outside where he gets to Cool Guy dive away from the exploding building.  Rose is upset (is this a trend?  She seems to be upset at the end of most episodes...) about the fact that Gwyneth died, especially since she saved the world from the Gelth and no one will ever know about it.  Charles Dickens says he's going to go hang out with his family and will make The Mystery of Edwin Drood about blue smoke aliens.  The Doctor confirms that his work will endure the test of time.

Back in the TARDIS, Rose brings up the fact that it might make things sort of weird for Charles Dickens if he actually does write a book about blue smoke aliens, to which the Doctor cheerily uplifts all our spirits by reminding us that he'll die in about six months, anyway, so he won't get to write it.  No harm done.

And that's the end!

Doctor Who: The Beginning.

After years of being told that we should watch it, the husband and I are finally beginning our Doctor Who journey.  Admittedly, we don't have the patience to go back and watch the eight doctors preceding Christopher Eccelston.  So, we've begun with the reboot, episode 1 - Rose.

And so far?  I love it.  Of course, I have a bit of a bias, because I've always liked Christopher Eccleston, and his Doctor is so abrupt and funny.  The first episode Rose nearly gets strangulated by Evil Shop Dummies, which is unsettling enough.  Then the Doctor shows up and tells her to run.  Off they go, and Rose is pretty much "wtf?" for the duration of the episode.  She searches for a bunch of random stuff that would never bring up any information ever about the Doctor, and if it did, it'd be on the last page of the entire search, despite the fact that it claims to be on page 1-10.

 At this point, she clearly has to contact Clive, who has apparently started a website inquiring about Doctor sightings. So, she does, and her Very Nice Boyfriend voices concerns about Clive potentially being an axe murderer.  Which, in all honesty, is a pretty legit concern.

Did I say Clive?

So, they go to see Clive, who turns out to be a relatively normal, if somewhat squat and awkward, guy.  At this point, we are introduced to some truly terrible CG when Very Nice Boyfriend notices a garbage can that is moving by itself and generally just being inappropriate.  Being A Very Curious Guy as well, Very Nice Boyfriend gets out of the car to investigate and ends up being devoured by the angry trash can.

There's no caption to really do this screencap justice.

Then, Very Nice Boyfriend is back, but is made of plastic and is evil and wants to kill everyone.

From there, all hell breaks loose, which eventually culminates with the revelation that Some Horrible Thing is controlling all of the plastic in London and is planning to unleash an army of awkward, inanimate objects (some of which inexplicably have firearms hidden in their hands) on the city to wreak havoc and do murders.

And, of course, the Doctor eventually shares all of this with Rose and they decide to go try and stop it.  They show up in some awful underground place where there's a giant pit of sentient, undulating melted plastic.  The Doctor proceeds to quote some Important Space Ordinances at the plastic glob who then orders his shop dummy minions to grab the Doctor and threatens to destroy the TARDIS.

Rose remembers that she was mediocre at gymnastics in grade school which means that she can swing like an orangutan from dangling chains and knock out bad guys.  She does that, saves the day, then clambers into the TARDIS with the Doctor and an extremely rattled Very Nice Boyfriend (who was there, by the way - apparently getting eaten by a garbage can and turned into Unfriendly Plastic Boyfriend sent the real him to the horrible plastic death room).

At this point, Rose decides to go with the Doctor in the TARDIS and explore the universe with no reservations, whatsoever, for leaving behind her Very Nice Boyfriend and scatter-brained mother.

Thanks for being such a Nice Boyfriend.  It'd be way harder to completely abandon you if you were an asshole.

 The next episode features the Doctor trying to impress Rose with the size of his TARDIS.  She says she wants to go one hundred years into the future, and he's all, "Child's play.  Pick again."  So she goes higher.  And he's all, "Step outside.  You're in the fuuuuuture."  She's unimpressed, she says (although, that's bullshit - I'd be outside freaking out of he'd taken me three hours into the future because TIME TRAVEL) so the Doctor decides he'll show that bitch and takes them five billion years into the future, when we've run out of numbers so hard that we've started using fresh produce into our years.

Because Rose is being such an uppity bitch, the Doctor decides to pwn her hardcore and make her witness the destruction of Earth.  Which isn't as sadistic as it seems, since no one lives on Earth anymore.  Still, I had kind of a Princess Leia flashback moment.

Dantooine!  They're on Dantooine!

An assortment of odd alien creatures are then paraded in, including a giant head (The Face of Boe), an awesome looking tree woman and Lady Cassandra O'Brien (yeah, she has her own Wikipedia page).  For another episode, Rose is just sort of like... wtf?  Lady Cassandra was, by far, one of my favorite parts of the entire episode.  She was flanked by two guys in HAZMAT suits with shower heads that she kept muttering, "Moisturize me!  Moisturize me!" to.  She was seriously hilarious.

She's being billed as the "last human," but she's basically a face on skin stretched on some sort of weird mount.  She's kind of like the Lady Catherine  de Bourgh of this episode.  Unsurprisingly, then, she's also a treacherous shrew and has released some kind of crazy mechano-spiders onto the ship to try and burnmurder everyone just after she teleports out.

They suspect nothing.

So, again, the Doctor saves the day after Jade, the pretty tree lady, has to catch on fire (because it's hot enough to set wood on fire in the room, but the Doctor is totally unaffected) and sacrifice herself, but everyone is saved!

Rose is momentarily traumatized by the fact that the Earth was destroyed and no one was paying attention, because they were too busy trying not to get burnmurdered by the the skin curtain.

Too bad I don't have a machine that could transport me back five billion years to when the Earth was still there.

Anyway, I really like the show, so far.  I mean, it's cheesy (as far as the effects go), but the concept is pretty awesome.  I'm dedicated.  We'll probably watch an episode or two more tonight after the kid goes to bed.  Pretty soon, I'll be able to change my Facebook header to the TARDIS and not feel like a noob.