The Art of Using Tumblr.

I am an admittedly infrequent Tumblr user.  I mean, I update it semi-regularly, but then I'll go for days and not sign in.  I always thought Tumblr was a place for posting pretty things you liked, geeky things you liked - basically just things you like, right?  Apparently, however, when you sign up for Tumblr, you are required to participate in An Intro to Tumblr Etiquette 101.  I'm not entirely sure who offers this course, but someone must, because if you don't know The Rules, you are a giant asshole.

Case in point - myself.

So, a couple of weeks ago, right after the season finale of Once Upon a Time, I was ruminating upon the fact that, to my surprise, my OUaT OTP seemed to have shifted from Emma/Hook to Emma/Neal.  Basically, I felt like Neal and Emma seemed to have way more chemistry than Emma and Hook.  I mean, the little interludes with Emma and Hook in the giant episode(s) were nice, but you could just tell, man, that Emma was still in love with Neal and visa versa.

I can't ever really keep up with some of the ship names, but I do know that Emma/Hook is rabidly and affectionately referred to (at least on Tumblr) as Captain Swan.  Apparently there's a name for Emma/Neal, too, but I can't remember what it is.  It's like... Swanfire, or some shit like that.

Anyway, so, I'm dicking around on Tumblr and I decide to post about the fact that I liked Emma and Neal as a couple more than Emma and Hook.  So, I do this, and I tag the thing with various tags (Emma Swan, Neal Cassidy, Once Upon a Time, etc.) including Captain Swan.  Because... I'm talking about that ship, right?  So, it makes sense to tag something based upon the content of your post, doesn't it?  Doesn't it?!

NO, FUCK YOU, IT DOES NOT.

I shit you not, within two minutes of posting it, Captain Swan shippers lost their shit and started messaging me about it.  Some were nice and just asked that I remove the tag because they didn't want to see negative shit about their ship.  (Which is apparently the Tumblr P.C. portion of the entrance course.)  Others, however, started ranting at me about how rude I was and ignorant I was and how this was SO AWFUL to theeeeeeeem!

The worst, though, was a chick who PMd me whining about how I was such an asshole (not her words) because I had used the Captain Swan tag while being disparaging (because, apparently saying that I felt like Emma/Neal had more chemistry than Emma/Hook was disparaging) about her ship and how she came onto Tumblr to ESCAPE from negativity and immerse herself in her fandom and I was just the biggest, fattest asshole of all and HOW DARE I? 

At this point I was trying to decide between being a real shit and just being like, "I have no idea what the fuck you are talking about."  So, I went with the latter, and explained to her that I had no idea what the fuck she was talking about, that I did not realize there was some sort of Tumblr Tag Etiquette and that I hadn't gotten the memo.  I pointed out the fact that I am a relatively infrequent Tumblr poster, because I can't use Tumblr at work, etc., so I'm not on all the time during the week because I have to go to work.  However, I also pointed out that it is not my responsibility to preserve her delicate feelings over a fandom (because, let's face it, I'm not posting triggers, here - I'm posting about a fairytale T.V. show) and basically get over it or GTFO.

This was apparently a foreign concept to her, that the rest of the world wasn't responsible for her feelings and she then proceeded to accuse me of doing it on purpose. Before that, though, she launched into a three message or so diatribe about how I thought I was better than everyone on Tumblr because I told her I had to work all week, so I wasn't on Tumblr much.

Then, she "complimented" me by saying she could tell I was smart, but then followed it up with the accusation that I had known exactly what I was doing when I used the Captain Swan tag and that I had done it on purpose, to stir up some sort of Tumblr flame war.

Did you mean to say all those words you said?

I was seriously so flabbergasted by the ridiculousness of that assumption, I couldn't even respond for a minute.  I was relaying all of this to my husband in real time, and were just sort of stared at each other in mute confusion, for a second.

I have never been more confused by the Internet in my life.  So, let me break this down for you, in case you don't know how to use Tumblr tags.  Never, ever, ever tag anything ever that you're talking about unless you're talking about how it's awesome and rainbows and unicorn farts.  If you do, be prepared to get crucified by people who take fandom WAY too seriously.  And yeah, I said it.  You take your fandom too seriously, you psycho.

But, seriously.  Beware the Tumblr tags.  They'll cut you over that shit.